Write yourself a permission slip.

For many of us, growing up involved asking permission from our parents, caregivers, teachers, and authority figures to do almost everything- including using the restroom! When we wanted to go on a trip, our parents had to sign a permission slip; if we wanted to miss a day of school, our parents had to write a permission slip. Imagine how this good girl/ nice guy programming affected us subconsciously.  

When we spend the formative years of our lives seeking permission from others, we often don’t realize how that impacted our self-trust. Our world gets defined by others' expectations, rules, and labels, and sometimes we think they are our own. We can sometimes doubt our instincts unless someone permits us to follow them. This is how the “shitty shoulds” get formed.  It’s how permission, approval, and validation become the currency of our lives. 

 One way you can spot the need for permission is when a feeling of guilt pops up when you haven’t caused harm to anyone but feel uncomfortable about what someone else might think or feel. Here are some examples. 

I feel guilty resting when other people (like my partner) are working so hard. 

I feel guilty talking about my good news when my friend is struggling (or the world is).  

I feel guilty because I don’t want to hang out with her, but I don’t feel like I can say no.  

I feel bad about imposing and asking someone for help. 

Or fill in the blank here: 

I feel guilty going out again tonight because my partner, child, friend_______

I want to structure my offering this way, but I feel bad because I don’t want my clients to think/feel _____

I feel bad spending money on _________because I don’t want people to think I’m_________

As a coach who works with people regularly, I often experience my clients asking me for permission to permit themselves to do what their gut is nudging them to do. I also see folks explain a situation or problem to several people, asking for advice. They, deep down, know what to do but are looking for permission through consensus gathering to finally make the final decision. (Hi, I've done that!)  

Giving ourselves permission to follow our intuition, nudges, and desires can deepen our self-belief by opening us up to new possibilities.  We weren’t meant to live in a box of shoulds and rules, so we must start noticing when they are limiting us.  

Let’s try it… 

1. Ask yourself where in your life you may be withholding permission from yourself or seeking it outside of yourself. If nothing comes, look for a place in your life where you tend to feel bad or guilty about something OR think about what you WISH you could do but haven’t or don’t. 
   
   
2. Next, practice giving yourself permission. I strongly suggest you write a permission slip to yourself.  See below for examples. 

Today, I give myself permission to…  

• Rest/relax, take a break, or slow down
• Dance or act silly
• Not make dinner tonight
• Make a mess or make a mistake
• Be a beginner and suck at something
• Forgive yourself/ be compassionate with yourself 
• Release a relationship that drains you 
• Flirt shamelessly or wear something sexy that your mother would not approve of 
• Speak up for myself
• Take excellent care of myself 
• Go after what I really want 
• Ask for help 
• Change my mind or disagree
• Be really, really happy 
• Get a second opinion or find another doctor
• Show up as I am 
• Start without having all the pieces 
• Reply to this email and tell Regena what I want to give myself permission to do. (Ok, I realize that’s kinda me giving you permission, but still- I’d really love to hear from you.) 

 Let's liberate ourselves. 

#PermissionToThrive #LiberateYourself #SelfTrust #EmbraceFreedom #AuthenticLiving #EmbraceYourDesires #SelfCompassion #BreakFreeFromExpectations #UnapologeticHappiness